Okay, so, here I sit in a waiting room to get yet more blood drawn. It is loud with the TV on and I must be the youngest one here by 20 years minimally. I’ve gotten used to the stares after being in the cardiac ward and being the youngest there by 40 years, supposedly.
Today is a bit different… At least I am grateful that I am here not for my heart. But, man, am I getting tired of being sick. I won’t lie: some pretty messed up thoughts come and go in those deep dark hours. It seems like if it isn’t one thing, it is another.
What is disheartening and amusing at the same time is how often I become a test subject because due to my age I “shouldn’t” have these issues. I “shouldn’t” have AFib and MVP. I “shouldn’t” have cluster headaches. And in this case, the test subject applies: my ENT is simply mystified. With all the major causes ruled out by test (with the exception of the current blood draw), we both don’t have the faintest as to what is happening.
During the laryngoscopy, where a flexible tube is passed up through your nose and nasal passages down into your throat (very weird feeling), he noted there was absolutely nothing wrong with my throat. My vocal cords were a tad inflamed, but beyond that…? What he did note was that my tonsils were so swollen that they extended a bit down into my throat: which is what I am feeling. Not only have they done this, they’re also covered in little dots. Lots of dots. (All this I got to see on the screen afterwards.)
I think we have this assumption that in this day and age doctors should know everything. Databases are online for ready review. There are tons of articles. Just this vastness of knowledge has been compiled on the study of the human body and its related weaknesses. People too often get pissed off at their doctors for not having the answer and really I don’t think that is fair. Doctors are not all knowing. They may be specialists, they may have decades of experience, but every patient is unique and that uniqueness brings a new challenge to them every, single, time. They are life-long problem solvers. Some might be better at it or more proactive at it, but no single doctor can ever have the vastness of knowledge that people seem to expect them to have.
So… I might not have an answer but at the end of the day, I can still breathe. I can still eat and drink. I can still talk, though with some amusing slight difficulty. I can still sing, horribly, to my favorite song. I’m not in the hospital, drugged up and on a surgery table getting a biopsy. This is one piece of the puzzle and this has at least ruled out a good handful of things. It is progress.
At the end of the day: there is always someone worse off than you. Always. This is something I have to keep reminding myself. That no matter how shitty I feel, at least I can be thankful for some things.
You guys have a great day and be safe out there. 🙂
(Now… where is that wine so I can be grateful for that! Hmm…)