A Problem and a Heads Up

Alright guys. Frank time.

I believe the wellbutrin has stopped working.

God. I must sound like some drama llama. :-/ Problem this, issue that, rant here, {whatever} there.

My depression is back  in full swing with all the lovely trimmings. I’m honestly surprised I’m making it through this. (Let’s see how many times I close out the browser or edit.)

Your heads up: I might not be posting for a bit. I’ve really honestly lost motivation to do anything. I had forgotten how painful this is… I cannot wait until Wednesday. I hope my doc can help. We tried reducing the med to 150mg/day. That may have opened the door. Or it may already have been happening? I don’t know. Can’t remember. Honestly had trouble remembering today is Monday, not Tuesday.

I’m hoping to get this back under control ASAP.

This is… It’s a… bloody hell. Words. Work. Fine. Describe then. You’re a bloody writer, do it that way, right?

You’re conscious, but unable to react. You’re mentally alert, but numb and defective. There is nothing wrong with you, but somehow it hurts. You stare off into space, letting your mind wonder because that seems to be the only thing that mediates things. Thinking gives you a headache — earning myself one right now… You feel like you’re pointless, useless, nothing and feel like you can’t do anything good, right, or useful. You feel helpless, worse than a newborn child. Even when you’re taken care of, provided for, it doesn’t seem to help. Your thoughts, as hard as you try to direct them, are sporadic and meander. Despite being numb, you feel like everything agitates you and your emotions are on the ragged edge. You become disinterested.

Until later, be safe and enjoy y’all’s days,

Bae

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2 thoughts on “A Problem and a Heads Up

  1. I know you know, but I’m saying it anyway: it’s all just a phase even though it sometimes takes a lifetime. You’ll get through it and it will all get better. You feel worthless now, but you ARE NOT! Don’t do any stupid things. You are loved. I hope you get many hugs along the way, even though you don’t want to.

    Like

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