It’s stopped working. Getting really tired of this. Anxiety is so damn high, I haven’t gone outside alone with the exception of being in the backyard. Last time I went into town by myself was the last appointment. The most recent time since that was yesterday or Thursday and that was only because my partner was driving. That’d be a week of being no where but the house.
It hasn’t been this bad in months. I couldn’t even get out the door to buy bloody groceries.
I’ve also started taking Advil on a near daily basis to combat the headaches induced by the increased (now seemingly pointless) dose. At least it’s only one pill an hour or two — or longer if I can stand it — after taking the med. By time the Advil wears off, the headache is gone. Same spot every time. Back right-hand side.
Got an appointment on Tuesday. Told the doc it was working when I moved it from last Thursday. And it was. It really felt like it was working. But now, not so much.
What I dislike is when I recognize things. I wouldn’t be so angry at myself if I was blissfully unaware and/or ignorant. But when I recognize I’m being paranoiac? Or when I recognize that, oh hey, that thing I’m seeing isn’t real? Or that I’m simply not being myself?
My brain feels like it is on overload yet there’s nothing overloading it. It’s like its stuck on a feedback loop so my brain is just overloading itself. It feels like, sometimes, I’m losing the ability to do really simple things. Or I’ll forget things. Or won’t notice something.
Last night, I swear I kept waking up every one or two hours. My dreams were either bizarre or frightening.
This med is f-ing with my head. I know it. None of this started until the increased dose. Unless I’m just going down hill so quickly that the med can’t compensate, I don’t see any other alternative.
I’m getting so frustrated with this. I’m maintaining enough self-control to do nothing stupid, but my finances are a wreck due to this. I shredded my AMEX yesterday and locked up my Discover card. It’s out of control.
Aggression is up, but under control… barely.
Sick of this. This isn’t me.
Until later, be sane and enjoy y’all’s days,
P.S. Happy Fourth, to those State-side.
P.P.S. At this point, the blog is a journal to keep track of things. I’m sorry for the derailment, but I want data and this is the easiest way. Thank y’all for understanding.