Weekly Update

Weight: 211.4
Fat: 24.2

I’m a smidge worried now… In the last two days, I’ve lost over four pounds in weight. I’ve had a stomach issue the last few days, starting Saturday evening. Feeling better, at least. I keep getting cold sweats and hot flashes. My right jaw is painful now too.

This has to be the meds. I dunno…

My appointment is tomorrow.

On a completely different note, someone keyed my car strong enough to go clean to the metal. Here’s the kicker. I haven’t driven my car since the 25th of June. My anxiety has been that bad. In the time since my last appointment, I’ve not been out once by myself and only three times, if I recall correctly.

On the 25th of June, I had my doctor’s appointment. When I left, it wasn’t there. I’m confident about that. When I came home, it wasn’t there either. If I haven’t exposed my car to an area that could cause that kind of damage… that really only leaves one thought: someone in the neighborhood did it. That isn’t very pleasant to think about. She’s the cover on her now. I should have had the cover on all along, but I couldn’t get myself out the door to do it.

But, we’ll see if I can make it to the doc tomorrow. It seems to be very hit or miss weither the medication decides to work.

Until later, be safe and enjoy y’all’s days,

Bae

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Re: Side Effects

It’s stopped working. Getting really tired of this. :-/ Anxiety is so damn high, I haven’t gone outside alone with the exception of being in the backyard. Last time I went into town by myself was the last appointment. The most recent time since that was yesterday or Thursday and that was only because my partner was driving. That’d be a week of being no where but the house.

It hasn’t been this bad in months. I couldn’t even get out the door to buy bloody groceries.

I’ve also started taking Advil on a near daily basis to combat the headaches induced by the increased (now seemingly pointless) dose. At least it’s only one pill an hour or two — or longer if I can stand it — after taking the med. By time the Advil wears off, the headache is gone. Same spot every time. Back right-hand side.

Got an appointment on Tuesday. Told the doc it was working when I moved it from last Thursday. And it was. It really felt like it was working. But now, not so much.

What I dislike is when I recognize things. I wouldn’t be so angry at myself if I was blissfully unaware and/or ignorant. But when I recognize I’m being paranoiac? Or when I recognize that, oh hey, that thing I’m seeing isn’t real? Or that I’m simply not being myself?

My brain feels like it is on overload yet there’s nothing overloading it. It’s like its stuck on a feedback loop so my brain is just overloading itself. It feels like, sometimes, I’m losing the ability to do really simple things. Or I’ll forget things. Or won’t notice something.

Last night, I swear I kept waking up every one or two hours. My dreams were either bizarre or frightening.

This med is f-ing with my head. I know it. None of this started until the increased dose. Unless I’m just going down hill so quickly that the med can’t compensate, I don’t see any other alternative.

I’m getting so frustrated with this. I’m maintaining enough self-control to do nothing stupid, but my finances are a wreck due to this. I shredded my AMEX yesterday and locked up my Discover card. It’s out of control.

Aggression is up, but under control… barely.

Sick of this. This isn’t me.

Until later, be sane and enjoy y’all’s days,

Bae

P.S. Happy Fourth, to those State-side.

P.P.S. At this point, the blog is a journal to keep track of things. I’m sorry for the derailment, but I want data and this is the easiest way. Thank y’all for understanding.

Weekly Update + Rant

Weight: 214.6
Fat %: 24.3

Had a full small pizza with ham, chicken and spinach to myself in one sitting plus two lava cakes. Not sure how I lost weight from the day before, but it happened.

Today’ll be the third day on the increased doseage.

Starting to feel its effects.

Was a bit worried the first day because I had heart pains (not “chest” pains) occasionally and felt a bit odd physically. Second day, nothing really of the sort. I can tell it is trying to help/work. The depression is lessening but it pops back in full force like a moodswing would for maybe a thirty minutes to an hour then fades away again. It isn’t a moodswing. Bizarre feeling.

Actually feel motivated to do chores again. Got the first load of laundry going with a second planned for our current bed quilt. Put away the clean clothes that were ignored last night. Still feeling a high amount of anxiety about going outside, even if I do need to go shopping for breakfast foods.

Got two quilts made. One is wall hanging size and the other is securely within the realm of being a mini-quilt at 8″ square. The larger one is called “Piecing It Together: Depression” and the second is “Help Me, not Pacify Me”. Neither used patterns, just sat down and sewed. They need labels and sleeves now. Have another quilt planned/idea for the remaining fabric from the larger one. A variation of the disappearing nine-patch. Going to be calling this one “On a Good Day”.

On a different note, I made my partner a loaf of gluten free bread the other day. From scratch! 🙂 Turned out well. But it needs to be eaten within a few days — which isn’t unusual for this kind of bread. First loaf I’ve ever made. Rather encouraging.

\begin{rant}

Oh… and I suppose I should say that yes… we were absolutely ecstatic upon hearing the US Supreme Court’s ruling to recognize/allow same-gender marriages. Of course, there will be a firestorm. Idiots. The lot of them. I’ve zero tolerance for bigots. (Not a good idea to put me in a room with one…)

As my partner puts it. Why not allow it? It’s a bloody cash cow! Marriages aren’t cheap. Even if you just get a civil union at the local court. There’s potential income to tons of people that, due to religion and old outdated beliefs, people are losing out on. Want to talk about job creation?

Oh! And what about the flip side?

What about when they start getting divorces?

Homosexual couples aren’t perfect — just like heterosexual couples. (However, I can argue that, to some degree, homosexual couples tend to be more open and caring… At least from my observations.) I can’t remember the last time I didn’t hear about a heterosexual couple getting a divorce or being absolutely miserable. Undoubtedly, couples will need divorce services too! Even more income…

Odd way to look at it, but it’s true, isn’t it?

I suppose it’s similar to how I look at us as a whole: we’re one of Nature’s built in population limiters. We can’t breed — at least not in a fun way. 😉 Though our percentage of the overall world population might be small, if you were to do a running summation of the population with that percentage removed? Want to talk about over population? xD

\end{rant}

Maybe the higher dose is working… Back on my usual long posts with rants. 😉

No promises about typewriter stuff yet. As far as I’m concerned what is happening now could easily just be a high. Feels like one, honestly. But we’ll see, eh?

Until later, be safe and enjoy y’all’s days,

Bae