Weekly Update

Okay, yeah. In short: these last weeks (months?) has been a nightmare. But moving on. I’ve told my psychiatrist to bugger off and I’m weaning off of the Wellbutrin. Going to set up regular appointments with my old psychologist to see if just talking will help. The guy that I thought was helping just decided to all-out ignore a major issue (anxiety/stress) and focus on the major depression diagnosis.

Anycase…

That’s the past.

On to the update.

I haven’t been cycling. Though, I suppose that might have been obvious with the above statement and the absence of posts. On the whole, nothing really hasn’t happened except I’ve found out I greatly (greatly!) love birding. Just ordered my first pair of binoculars not but a few minutes ago. 😀

I’ve also found out I’ve developed an intolerance/allergy to lactose. The most interesting side-effect that cued us to this is a runny nose after having something with dairy in it. Straight cheese? Runny nose. Straight milk? Runny nose. Greek yogurt? Takes a bit, but runny nose. I had Kefir today which is 99% lactose free as part of my breakfast. Still no signs of issues or sniffling. No lactose intake so far today and I’m fine.

On the whole, I’ve been able to maintain through the lack of cycling. I’ve gained back a few of the pounds, as you might notice in the break down to follow, but the overall composition has remained the same. 😀

Weight: 218.4 lbs
Fat Percentage: 24.1%
Ratio (Muscle:Fat): 3.15 to 1

My goal has remained the same: get down to 10-15% fat. With how it stands currently…

Muscle: 165.8 lbs
10-15% Range: 182.4 – 190.7 lbs
Loss Range: 27.7 – 36 lbs

I’m going to aim right in the middle at 12.5% which would give a loss goal of 31.9 pounds come the end of the period. The period is the same at 12 weeks, or 3 months. This is the inspiring bit… In 12 weeks, there are 84 days. Each day, I’d only have to lose just over a third of a single pound of fat! Over the course of a week, the goal would be 2.7 pounds. Well within healthy bounds. 😀

Let’s hope I can keep up with it this time.

Feel like I’ve got to build up over time… Still no scanner. Typewriters in pieces still. I’m not kidding when I say these last weeks have been utter shit. Dunno where the time went. Only just today did I take out a typewriter again and fiddle with it for a bit. So… slowly starting to feel better again.

Until later, be safe and enjoy y’all’s days,

Bae

Weekly Update + Rant

Weight: 214.6
Fat %: 24.3

Had a full small pizza with ham, chicken and spinach to myself in one sitting plus two lava cakes. Not sure how I lost weight from the day before, but it happened.

Today’ll be the third day on the increased doseage.

Starting to feel its effects.

Was a bit worried the first day because I had heart pains (not “chest” pains) occasionally and felt a bit odd physically. Second day, nothing really of the sort. I can tell it is trying to help/work. The depression is lessening but it pops back in full force like a moodswing would for maybe a thirty minutes to an hour then fades away again. It isn’t a moodswing. Bizarre feeling.

Actually feel motivated to do chores again. Got the first load of laundry going with a second planned for our current bed quilt. Put away the clean clothes that were ignored last night. Still feeling a high amount of anxiety about going outside, even if I do need to go shopping for breakfast foods.

Got two quilts made. One is wall hanging size and the other is securely within the realm of being a mini-quilt at 8″ square. The larger one is called “Piecing It Together: Depression” and the second is “Help Me, not Pacify Me”. Neither used patterns, just sat down and sewed. They need labels and sleeves now. Have another quilt planned/idea for the remaining fabric from the larger one. A variation of the disappearing nine-patch. Going to be calling this one “On a Good Day”.

On a different note, I made my partner a loaf of gluten free bread the other day. From scratch! 🙂 Turned out well. But it needs to be eaten within a few days — which isn’t unusual for this kind of bread. First loaf I’ve ever made. Rather encouraging.

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Oh… and I suppose I should say that yes… we were absolutely ecstatic upon hearing the US Supreme Court’s ruling to recognize/allow same-gender marriages. Of course, there will be a firestorm. Idiots. The lot of them. I’ve zero tolerance for bigots. (Not a good idea to put me in a room with one…)

As my partner puts it. Why not allow it? It’s a bloody cash cow! Marriages aren’t cheap. Even if you just get a civil union at the local court. There’s potential income to tons of people that, due to religion and old outdated beliefs, people are losing out on. Want to talk about job creation?

Oh! And what about the flip side?

What about when they start getting divorces?

Homosexual couples aren’t perfect — just like heterosexual couples. (However, I can argue that, to some degree, homosexual couples tend to be more open and caring… At least from my observations.) I can’t remember the last time I didn’t hear about a heterosexual couple getting a divorce or being absolutely miserable. Undoubtedly, couples will need divorce services too! Even more income…

Odd way to look at it, but it’s true, isn’t it?

I suppose it’s similar to how I look at us as a whole: we’re one of Nature’s built in population limiters. We can’t breed — at least not in a fun way. 😉 Though our percentage of the overall world population might be small, if you were to do a running summation of the population with that percentage removed? Want to talk about over population? xD

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Maybe the higher dose is working… Back on my usual long posts with rants. 😉

No promises about typewriter stuff yet. As far as I’m concerned what is happening now could easily just be a high. Feels like one, honestly. But we’ll see, eh?

Until later, be safe and enjoy y’all’s days,

Bae

Gender Dysphoria (A Rant)

You know… I guess it’s time for some confession time. A little bit of more of a history of me. I’m not sure if I’ve ever come out about this, but I feel like it bares repeating because honestly, this is probably one of the things that could hound me to my death — suicide or just from psychological stresses manifesting into the physical realm.

Does anyone know what gender dysphoria means? *waits* Anyone?

Well, maybe a more trendy term y’all might know — that isn’t nearly as scientific — is  transgender. The latter term has transformed over the ages in meaning. Sometimes it’s a noun and sometimes it’s an adjective and yet other times, depending on how it is used, suddenly it is an insult even if you mean it in all the best in the world.

So, I stick with gender dysphoria unless I absolutely know the person — like my partner… I use transgender with him because he uses the term himself.

I’m sorry, but this is going to be a major rant… A heads up here. I just need to vent and get this stuff off my chest.

Gender dysphoria also is known by another name: Gender Identity Disorder. Now, honestly that is an insult. There is nothing wrong with us! How dare anyone say that just because we don’t like the bodies we were assigned at birth (dysphoria = discontent, for those who don’t know), doesn’t mean something is wrong with us. It isn’t our bloody fault we were born a boy or a girl when our minds tell us we should be the opposite in every rotten way.

Well, now you know.

I suffer from this.

Not officially diagnosed. I doubt I ever will be. It isn’t a kink. I’ve just given into the facts — the truth. No amount of corrective surgeries will ever correct this grotesque male form. Sure, I get hit on a lot. Sure, I get flirted with until I’m so red in the cheeks that I need ice. But why should I care when I’m not comfortable with my own body? They are flirting with a male bodied person. That is what they’re interested in. That is what they want.

God! How I wish I could just strip off this shell and toss it aside like some cruel cocoon.

I am so sick and bloody tired of “because you’re a guy.”

“You’re a guy, you should enjoy getting dirty.”

“You’re a guy, you should enjoy working on cars.”

“You’re a guy, you should drive a pickup.”

“You’re a guy, you should marry a girl and breed.”

“You’re a guy, you should be proficient with tools.”

“You’re a guy, you should have all the answers when a gal asks you a question.”

“You’re a guy, you should be a leader, not a follower.”

“You’re a guy…”

JUST SHUT IT ALREADY! *sighs deeply*

Okay, okay, I’m alright… happy place, happy place…

Weight loss… heh… Y’all want to know my true motive behind it? It’s pretty rotten. Entirely vain really. Health is entirely secondary because if you don’t enjoy your life, then what’s the point of being healthy? To live a long, miserable existence of just passing the days?

My motive is to become thinner. To try to obtain a body that will allow me to dress more androgynously. To maybe, just maybe enjoy going outside and maybe, just maybe enjoy what I’ve been ever so erroneously given. I’ve got to make do with what I’ve got.

Well, I’ll probably lose followers with this post. Y’all’s issue, not mine. Whoever does stay, thank you for understanding and, by default, showing your support. I really do value it. I don’t blog for income. I do it to share.

Until later, be safe, be dry, and enjoy y’all’s days,

Bae

P.S.: I suppose I should mention, before anyone thinks it, that all those heart issues, etc are legit. Those issues are the reason why I can’t really move forward with anything. Any treatments (hormone replacement therapy, etc) can cause pretty nasty cardiac side-effects which for me could/would be life threatening. I hate my body, but I love my partner more. He’s one of the few things keeping me sane.

Predictions Come True

Well, it seems as though I was right.

Southpaw, the gloss Olympia SM3, is out of commission. When I was typing yesterday, I noticed she felt off. I’ll have to tend to her. I couldn’t even get through typing out today’s date in the corner: Thu 6-11. The ‘L’ key sticks. I guess out comes the mineral oil, metal cleaner, and compressed air, aye? I’ll clean the rest of her up in the process. She deserves it. 😀

In the mean time, I thought I could use the SM3 that I bought for parts. Well, come to find out, I hadn’t cleaned him up! The typeface is clogged in all the usual spots and it needs some TLC in some places as well. Guess I had just used him as a model to take apart and put back together… So, now I have 2 SM3’s to tend to over the next few days!

Add to it that one Skyriter is in parts, still, and I possess no Skyriter ribbons?

I am lacking very much, currently, in terms of planning in the typewriter department!

Speaking of the Skyriter in parts. The weather has taken a better turn — at least for now. I may try to finish up the darn thing between today and Saturday or so. It just needs a few more things and then it’ll be done. I’ll buy a few Skyriter ribbons too!

Anycase, this isn’t what I wanted to talk about today.

I’ve come to the conclusion that until I’ve figured out my diet, I’m not going to proceed with the more hardcore weeks. This throws off a lot of things — timing especially — but I am very worried about continuously losing muscle. That simply isn’t good. I will continue to cycle, but I’ll continue to do so at the intensity of week 6, which is an upped ‘rest’ week.

My diet is all kinds of messed up. It is perfectly fine, yes. But in terms of keeping/maintaining or aiding in the growth of muscle? Forget about it. It works as fuel and little more. And that could be the reason why I’m having issues on the bike recently.

This morning, I woke up at 6:44, 7:2-, then 8:2-. That last time I got up, but honestly I feel like I could have fallen right back to sleep. I did zero cycling yesterday so to me that it is a huge red flag that something’s up.

I put some weight back on, so I need to be careful… I don’t know if it is muscle or fat since I don’t do the fat analyzer until Monday. I’m going to keep to that.

Off and on, my calves hurt yesterday too…

Shakes are an easy way out, but I might take it for now.

Until later, be safe and enjoy y’all’s days,

Bae

P.S. I need to update my typewriter database profile… Some of the typewriters I’ve owned aren’t on there. I’ll get pictures up at least then, once the ribbon(s) come in, type samples. What is missing are the new SM3, the old Skyriter I no longer own, and the 2 new Skyriters. Once the Princess arrives, that’ll need to go on too. Good grief… Haha! Just a bit behind…

A Bit of a Fun Day

(Yes, I know, sorry for not being typecast…)

Yesterday was fun. Unexpected, really. What made it fun is I got to spend money. Normally, I always feel guilty about that, but what I spent the money on was what made it fun and the guilt factor not nearly as bad.

I bought parts of a new wardrobe!

Since I’m still losing weight, I didn’t buy a full new one yet. I expect to lose at least 20 or even 30 more pounds depending on how things turn up at reevaluation. With that in mind, my waist line and overall fat distribution won’t remain the same between today and then, obviously.

Currently, as it stands, I’m a comfortable 38 and a squeezed 36. This is down from a 42. My shirts are now M/L, down from L/XL. I’m also able to wear different makers of shoes. Dress shirts have gone down from a 17.5 collar to a 16.5 collar with a sleeve length being deduced from 35/36 to 34/35. My coat size also went down.

My partner and I spent most of the day yesterday just driving around. He wanted an escape. We intended to go to the Galleria, but on the way past a hattery I used to use (if they sold more fedoras, I would be a consistent customer, but they specialize in cowboy style hats), I mentioned that I’d like to get another one from a different hattery. I’ve owned a hat from this particular hatter for some time now and, honestly, it is probably the best investment — next to by Stetson fedora! — I’ve made in terms of a hat.

Without any urging, he just told me to get the GPS talking and we went there. I ended up purchasing a wider brimmed hat (3.5″) and I had them add a grosgrain band about the crown and had them bound the edge of the rim in the same color — black. The crown is one style of fedora, though not a bash. It’s a hybridism between a diamond and a fedora bash which is thoroughly unique to this hatter, it seems. When we left, I wore it the rest of the day and it was just as comfortable — if not more — than the first one I had purchased from them.

From there, he just drove. And drove. And drove. We passed an outlet mall or two, but after stopping to get some beef jerky (I had a hankering for protein) and got himself an Icee, we turned around and went back to one. We walked, practically, the entirety of it. Probably a good few hours of walking, at the very least.

The first store we hopped into was the Crocs store. My partner simply adores this brand, but I’ve never been able to fit into them. Well, miracle upon miracles, come to find out that when you lose weight, your feet shrink too! Suddenly, here we are walking out with a new pair for him (a cute blue tropical themed pair) and a pair of sandals for me. We ended up putting them on after finding a bench.

After that, we hopped into… Banana Republic. Odd experience. Don’t think I’ll ever return. Very awkward. And if a gay male feels awkward in a clothing store, you know there’s something wrong! 😉 (Just playing… though there is some truth in that.)

After that we went into Kenneth Cole — which we both quickly abandoned for similar reasons. They had a couple of very sexy bags at half price that I was interested in, but… I’ve already got 2, I don’t need another… even if it was very well made and in leather… -sighs-

Next door was Perry Ellis. We spent a good amount of time in there and started to get a feeling for what my new wardrobe should be like. We both feel like we were born in the wrong era since, honestly, I prefer suits over anything else. A nice pair of slacks with a good shirt and vest — boom, I’m set. Give me a fedora and I’m even happier!

The thing about modern vests is that they often do not have real pockets on the front. They’re just for show. That bothers me to no end! Vests are supposed to have pockets, designers! HELLO! Look back into history and you’ll see!

Anyway…

Perry Ellis actually makes vests with real pockets. That’s permanently catalogued into our brains. I used to wear vests all the time but after slowly gaining weight, I fell out of wearing them. After losing some more, I’ll be back into wearing them. 😀

From there we went to… I think it was Columbia. I don’t think we stopped at any other places before that. This is where I found out I wear a medium shirt and have a comfortable 38 waist. Walked out with two shirts and two pairs of shorts. We spent some time there debating and talking…

By this time, we both were getting on the hungry side of the scale, but we continued our way. Until we happened upon the Jos. A. Bank shop.

Now, suits and I are like water to plants: I simply cannot live without them. I love men’s suits. They’re sexy. They’re elegant. And they flaunt, without mercy, the sex appeal that the male body can have. A JC Penny suit or a Macy’s suit can do in a pinch, but one that is tailored to you? Lord have mercy… Every single man needs to have at least one well made, tailored suit. That, to me, is the mark of when you’ve reached manhood. Not when you’ve bought this horrendous pickup with 1-2 MPG but when you can comfortably and effortlessly pull off a suit that turns heads.

Well… needless to say, I walked out with a summer suit. I’ll be going to my tailor to get everything sorted out probably sometime this week. 😀 I’ll need to buy a few shirts now too…

My partner, while there, found this simply gorgeous belt that is a nice blend between dress and casual. It’s probably the first 38 belt I’ve worn in… god… what… at least a decade probably.

After our adventured we headed home. On the way, he bought us dinner at this cute little Thai joint. Amazing food. Fun, quiet atmosphere. And thank heavens, NO BLOODY KIDS! Perfect end to our adventures. 😀

Now… onto the reason why this isn’t typecast.

The story is completed. I sent it out to a few friends and waiting reviews. I have a few other stories that I’m readying and working on as well right now. These have already been typed out so… thus no typecast.

I’ve two stories right now that I may also consider sending out, but I need to find an agent or something first. I don’t know where to start in terms of finding a publisher. But since I don’t write novels or, really, anything over 20,000 words (my medium is short stories and their ilk), it is very difficult to find someone who is interested in such short works. Me and novels do not get along. I actually get bored when trying to write them!

The food related article is still a work in progress. I’ll probably work more on that today. 🙂

Uhmm… hmm…

I think that’s it for now…

Until later, be safe and enjoy y’all’s days,

Bae